The How

I've been turning some stuff over in my head recently, so rather than trying to process it internally like a normal, rational person I'm going to try and make sense of it all here. Feel free to stop reading here.

I will go ahead and put the disclaimer that I'm going to be talking religion in somewhat specific terms, so please recognize that these are entirely my personal beliefs and not representative of anyone or anything except me and my slightly crazy mind!

There are millions of people in the world. And I would venture that, at some point or another, my path will cross with lots of those folks. However the number of meaningful interactions will probably be substantially smaller. And I already know that a good deal of these interactions will involve diversity of just about every kind imaginable, but right now I'm thinking specifically about religious diversity. Some of it is simply a byproduct of my career, but some of it is also simply who I am and the people with whom I choose to associate.

For the most part, I know what I believe. If required, I can break it down for you. I can quote a variety of affirmations of faith (or at the very least reference them accurately!) but I can do it with passion and conviction because they are things that I believe. And there are some things that I might have a hard time even reciting in a worship service because I simply don't agree with them. And I think having a good sense of what you as an individual believes is important. One of my slightly sarcastic statements has always been that it's called a "PERSONAL" faith for a reason, and while tradition and family and culture and community all play a role in the development of your beliefs, they ultimately have to be YOUR beliefs to have any meaning.

I still stand by that statement, but there is oh so much more to it than simply knowing what you believe. In fact, in the grand scheme of things, that part is kind of the basement of your house. It's the foundation. For some it is bigger and deeper than others. A lot of folks won't ever see it, and they may take for granted its existence at all. What you do with that space is ultimately up to you. But like I said, it's just the start. Unfortunately, this is where too many people stop. They have their list of doctrinal statements and famous quotations and official policies and choose to leave it at that. And that is really a shame, because there is so much potentially rich and beautiful dialogue that can take place when you don't just look at the water, but you dive into it (even if only in the shallow end to start with!) The foundation may shift and settle a bit, it may even undergo some pretty extensive renovation, but that renovation has to be undertaken carefully because it WILL have an impact on everything else. Ultimately, if there are too many problems here and not enough of the pieces line up, everything else will come crashing down and you'll have to start over.

The second part is the part that I emphasize when I teach, especially when I teach young people who have a pretty good sense of the first part (or at least enough healthy curiosity to keep them motivated along that journey). The second part is understanding "Why?" Now, from a counseling perspective, "why" can be a dangerous question. It's human nature to get a little defensive when this question is posed, especially depending on the tone with which it is asked and the context in which it is asked. But a little agitation and confrontation are necessary and very helpful, and I feel like this questions is essential. And as you do the work of the first part, you sort of naturally work out this second part. And if you have done a little too much coasting in the first part, you'll know it when you get to this part.

I tell kids and adults alike that I don't mind if you disagree with me, so long as you can defend your position. I am happy to engage in respectful dialogue with you, but I expect it to be an intelligent and informed discussion, and "because my pastor said so" or "because a book says so" is not an acceptable answer to any question of why YOU believe what you do. I don't want to argue for the sake of arguing and I don't have to be right, but don't expect me to change my mind about my position right away. It's not an attack on your beliefs or an attempt to prove that your thoughts are inferior in some way. I genuinely want to understand. This is the framing for your house. This is the basic form around which all the other stuff will be shaped and held. This is where your floor plan is outlined and your opening are initially created. And once this part is constructed, it can be changed without having to tear down the whole thing, so long as you take into consideration the way all the other parts support the part you want to change, and consider the parts being supported by the piece you want to take out or move.

Now, I said all that to say this: Recently I have been playing around with a new piece - the HOW of belief. Now, asking someone "How do you believe?" can be tricky. Because really the question is "How do you share/show what you believe?" I have generally stayed away from this question because when I was growing up, in the battle of the big denominations (Methodists vs. Baptists in my hometown) that was not something "we" did. ("We" was the Methodists) We don't "do" witnessing. We don't beat people over the head with salvation. We don't try to convert people We just don't do that. In fact, it was the doing of those things that is what made "them" our opposition.

I understand now that this knee-jerk reaction of mine is rather limited. But unfortunately it's the same one that many people experience. However, let me state very clearly - THERE IS MUCH MORE TO SHARING WHAT YOU BELIEVE THAN SIMPLY SAYING IT! In fact, if you really want to get the message across, verbal communication is probably the least effective way to do it! So if you can't TELL people, how do you let them know what you believe? How do you preach the gospel and use words only when necessary? Well, the "Sunday School" answer to this one is to show them by the way you live! Sure it's great to be able to recite a creed with passion, but isn't it more important to live the faith? Isn't it more important to show the love of God than to simply tell someone "God loves you."?

I'm still trying to figure out what this means for me. On the one hand, this is exactly what I do every day at the hospital. When I am reading stories to a small child who is lonely and scared or listening to a staff member tell me how upsetting it is to be yelled at for something he/she couldn't do, or simply sit by the bed of an elderly patient so he/she won't wake up alone, I am showing what I believe about love and care for everyone. But what about when I leave my "official" role as minister? What about when I'm driving home? Or in the grocery store? Or out at dinner with my husband? I'd love to say I do it there too, and I'm sure sometimes I do. But I'm also sure there are more times that I don't. And I need to work on that.

So what does the how look like in your life, regardless of what you believe? Do you think people would guess what you believe based on the way you act? And how does that make you feel?

Risotto For One

Risotto is one of my favorite foods, but I don't eat it too often. The fact that it's not especially healthy doesn't have nearly as much to do with this as it should. It has more to do with the fact that it's expensive, and Jeff really only likes it occasionally as a side dish with something else, and it takes a long time to cook and is kind of labor intensive.

I'm more than happy to invest the time and money into it when I get to share it with other people, especially other people I know (or I hope) will enjoy it. It's kind of become one of our "entertaining" foods. I like being able to share the good stuff with other people. I derive pleasure from seeing them pleased.

But what about me? What about what I want? And the fact of the matter is, I want risotto more often than I get it. I have been thinking lately about needs and wants and how they fit into my life. Not just the tangible stuff like food or clothes or shelter, but the intangible stuff like rest and peace and comfort. The risotto just happened to be an appropriate illustration that really got my attention. Because the fact of the matter is, I'm not very good at meeting my own needs, satisfying my own cravings because I don't ever try.

I have really been craving risotto lately. And we finally went to the store a few weeks ago and got some more. But Jeff is now on a low-carb kick. And he's teaching so he's not home for dinner a couple of nights a week. And work as been keeping me on my toes and I've been coming home really beat. And... and... and...

So the other night I decided that I was going to make some risotto for myself. Just for myself. Jeff was teaching and would be home late. I had worked all day but really felt as though a half hour or so over the stove would be good for me and help me de-stress before I finished a paper I had to get turned in. So that's exactly what I did. And it took me a little while to figure out what I was doing. Because I had never had to cut a recipe down for one person before! But I did it and it was delicious. It tasted better than it ever has before. I don't know if it's because I was using some different spices or because I was simply cooking less, or because I wasn't rushed and could invest the time that it needed. Or maybe because I was doing it for me.

As I was taking the time to do this, I decided to also take the time to listen to the objections that kept popping up in my head.

"It's not worth wasting a serving on just me."

"I should save this for something or someone special."

"Why spend the time if you're the only one who will be able to enjoy it?"

There were others, but they were variations on this same theme. And that really got me thinking about my priorities and what happens when I listen to myself and DON'T give in to those thoughts. Because I didn't let myself be deterred by all my doubts. I did what I wanted. I made risotto just for me, and it was spectacular. And not only was my craving satisfied, I felt really good about it. I enjoyed the process of satisfying the craving, not simply the end result. And that was an important lesson for me. That it's not just about the destination, it's the journey. And it doesn't have to be an uphill climb the whole way!

Previous Cruises

I didn't go on my first cruise until I was in divinity school. I have been on two my whole life, and I am eagerly awaiting my third. And as I gear up for the next one, I can't help but look back on the first two and consider the ups and downs of them both.

The first one was a five day out of Mobile that went to Cozumel and Costa Maya Mexico on the Holiday. The weather was not horrible, but the sea was a little rough. I didn't get seasick and I actually enjoyed the rocking of the boat, but many folks disagreed with me. I went over spring break with my friend D. and at dinner, we were at a table with 8 other random college-aged kids from all over. It was fun (especially on the last night when one of the guys was buying drinks for the table!) but not something I would eagerly sign up for again! I did enjoy having the late seating at dinner. We went on one shore excursion (Cozumel) where we went to this little beach park. It was nice because they had bathrooms, beach chairs, a pool, shaded places to sit, and an open bar. I don't know that it was worth what we paid for it though! We were supposed to get to go snorkeling, too but the water was just too rough.

The second one was also a five day. It went to Cozumel and Progresso on the Fantasy. We were supposed to leave out of New Orleans, but there was a minor oil spill that was just enough of a headache to screw up everything. The boat couldn't get in the day we were supposed to leave, so we all had to show up at the terminal in New Orleans and then ride a bus to Mobile to get on the boat there. Then, they still didn't have it cleaned up when we got back so we had to come back to Mobile, ride a bus to New Orleans, then get on a plane to Birmingham (and after that I had to drive back to Nashville!) Yeah, not cool. It was CRAZY hot so it was kind of miserable weather-wise. I guess because it was summer and there were a lot more families, there were lots of kids that were totally unsupervised and just allowed to go nuts, which I did not appreciate at all! We went with Jeff's WHOLE family, so there were 30-something of us on this boat together. It was a lot of togetherness! At dinner, Jeff and I sat with his aunt, uncle, and cousins. His parents and grandparents were at the next table. We did a little table shuffling for one or two meals, but it was kind of a pain. It was a good cruise for hanging out though! And the family photos on formal night were great! We went snorkeling in Cozumel and I wasn't a huge fan. I'm just not a strong enough swimmer for that!

This next cruise is going to be a very different experience. I'm expecting more great pictures from the formal nights (we get two because it's a longer cruise) and we will be having the early seating for dinner again. We will be going to Cozumel and Costa Maya again, but we won't be doing either of those shore excursions I've done before. I won't tell you what we are doing, you'll just have to stay tuned and find out!

Friday Five Boycott

Ok, so I'm having a bit of a temper tantrum today, and I'm boycotting today's Friday Five that asks for your five favorite scriptures. On a good day, this would require quite a bit of work for me but I might enjoy some of it. Today, I just don't have it in me.

There are a couple of reasons. The first is that I'm just not good at quoting scripture and giving chapter and verse. I generally know what lots of good stuff says and I know where to go look it up if I need it for something (like I would have to do today if I was that invested) but I can't just pull it out of my head.

The second reason is just my being a bit obnoxious in that I'm kind of put off by the idea that since we are ministers we have to have a favorite scripture. I have several that are meaningful or have been meaningful at different times. Different passages speak to me in different ways at different times, and sometimes nothing is speaking to me, which I think is also okay.

The third is directly tied to the first two. A little over a week ago at a staff meeting we were informed that, for our devotional time, we were going to go around the table and say our favorite verse and why. Well, as you can probably guess from reasons one and two, this didn't go over well with me because we didn't know about this ahead of time and I didn't have my phone (which has a bible on it) with me or a bible or anything else to use as a reference. But still, everyone was on the spot. I pulled something out but I really don't remember what I said so clearly it wasn't especially meaningful.

So at this point, having the same assignment again isn't sitting well with me. And sure I could come up with a few things to simply complete the assignment, but that's kind of not the point. So yeah, I'm not playing today.

But I'm posting anyway because, well, I can. And also to throw out my self-care stuff for this week.

I had therapy on Wednesday like usual, but I have worked on doing some other things. One was that I made risotto for myself for dinner last night. I'm still working on some thoughts around that, so stay tuned if you're interested to hear what I reflected on around that. It'll probably be coming in the next few days.

So yeah. Sorry I'm being a bad sport about this. I'm just having a moment. Hopefully by next week it will have passed!

Stuffed Shells

This is one of those recipes that makes a ridiculous amount of food! It does involve a little bit of work, but also freezes well, so this would be a good weekend recipe. You can make several small pans, having one for dinner immediately and freezing the others for quick and easy dinners later on!

Filling:

1 lb ground beef (or turkey, or italian sausage)

2-3 cloves garlic, minced

1 small onion, diced

1 can (6 oz) tomato paste

1 container (15 oz) Ricotta cheese

1 cups Mozzarella Cheese

Herbs and spices to taste (I used rosemary, thyme, crushed red pepper, salt, and pepper)

Basically, just throw this stuff into a pan and let it get fantastic on you. You could also easily throw in a package of frozen spinach for a little extra something!

You'll also need 1 box of Jumbo Shells (or some other large pasta you can stuff). I boiled mine in batches but I guess you could throw them all into a big pot at one time. You'll only want to boil them about 5-6 minutes because you want them to still be firm enough to be handled and stuffed without falling apart on you!

I cheated and used regular cans of tomato sauce here. Not even the seasoned kind, just the cheap little cans (you'll need 2-3, depending on how saucy you like your pasta) Put a little bit of the sauce in the bottom of your pan to keep the shells from sticking. Crushed tomatoes would also be good here if you like things a little on the chunky side.

When your shells are cooked, just put a good spoonful of filling into each shell and fill your pan(s). Then top with the leftover tomato sauce and more mozzarella cheese.

At this point you can either stick it in the over, cover and refrigerate for later, or wrap in foil and freeze for much later.

When you're ready to cook it, you'll probably want to get it out and let it get a little closer to room temp. If it's frozen you may want to take it out the night before and stick it in the fridge, then pull it out and set it on the counter while the oven pre-heats.

Bake at 350 degrees for about 30 minutes (until everything is hot and melty!)

I am thinking that in the future, I will do this sort of like a baked ziti instead of going to the trouble to stuff the shells. I'm lazy like that. I'm probably also going to make a minor substitution for the ricotta - cream cheese! Not that I don't love ricotta (because I do!) but I don't keep it in the house all that often. However, I almost always have cream cheese, so I could still have my gooey, cheesy pasta without a special trip to the store! Stay tuned for that adventure.

As always, if you try this one, let me know!

Week 3

I can officially cross "going without flip flops" off the list. And one pair of old flip-flops were thrown out. I hope you are thoroughly impressed!

I also started on my post-it artwork, but I hate what I did so I'm going to toss it and start over. No news on when that will be happening.

I have still been getting to bed before midnight, even last week when I was on call. We'll see what happens being on call Friday!

I got my invitation to the Boards and Agencies Dinner in a couple of weeks, but my on-call schedule just won't permit it. This means this one will HAVE to be done next year.

Jeff helped me start moving the office stuff out of the closet, but it's not done yet so it can't be crossed off yet.

I am going to try making beef stew, stuffed shells, and pork carnitas soon, so that'll put me up to five new recipes. I'm still looking for suggestions for others!

So yeah, that's this week's update! Tiny steps are being taken, but I'm going to have to pick things up to get this done!

Friday Five - Books

I am not digging this whole working on Friday thing (and thus, not getting my Friday Five done in a timely manner!) I think I'm going to have to start taking my laptop to work with me on Fridays and working on it over my lunch break. But enough griping...

Today's Friday Five touches on another of my all-time favorite topics - books! I generally can't get enough books, and it's been this way for as long as I can remember. Even when I was young, my brother and cousins would get toy airplanes and other stuff for Christmas, and all I would want is a stack of books. My grandmother would usually feel bad that I didn't have any toys, so she would get me the same thing she got the guys, but it usually went un-touched (or the guys would take it after one of theirs broke!) because all I wanted was my books!

What books have you recently read? Tell us your opinion of them. Unfortunately, I haven't done a ton of pleasure reading lately, most of it has been my texts for CPE. One fun one I found as a free Kindle download that I've really enjoyed was "Stuck in the Middle" by Virginia Smith. It's a little bit cheesy and predictable, but doesn't require a whole lot of mental investment to enjoy it. It's the first of a trilogy so I will probably get the others soon.

What books are awaiting your available time to be read? The newest one by Jan Karon, the new one or two by Joanne Fluke, the second of the "Miss Julia" books, and anything Janet Evanovich might be coming out with. Also, the next two of the Virginia Smith trilogy. I'm keeping a good list of stuff I want to get before vacation in April! I have a few leftovers from my last beach vacation in September that I haven't gotten to and one of the Mrs. Murphy mysteries my step-mom gave me, but none of them are really tugging at me right now. Harry Potter is somewhere on the radar, but I may put that one in my audio book list!

Have any books been recently recommended? The Resilient Practitioner, which is a guide for self-care for those in the "high touch" professions. It's more work reading than pleasure reading, but I enjoyed what I saw of it and am looking forward to digging into it more in the weeks to come.

Also, Hinds Feet on High Places. It's not something I would have chosen for myself, but I'm enjoying it none the less. It's going to take me a little time to get through it because it's not "fluff" and it's very thought provoking, but I can see this becoming an important part of my personal library. I still haven't decided if I can say I am enjoying it or simply appreciating it.

What genre of books are your favorites, along with some titles/authors you enjoy? I don't know if I necessarily have a favorite genre, but I classify them as "fluff" because they are typically fiction and don't require a whole lot of attention or intentional engagement. Right now my favorites are Jan Karon, Janet Evanovich, and Joanne Fluke. I'd love to get back into reading some stuff by Beverly Lewis and maybe even more Nicholas Sparks. But for now, I will stick to whatever I have the time and/or funds for (which right now is not much on either account!)

What have you read lately that you have a strong urge to recommend? Nothing really jumping out at me right now. Like I said, most everything has been pastoral care texts. If you need some thoughts on those, let me know!

Bonus thoughts: Are you a book purist or do you embrace the digital? I got my Kindle about 3 years ago when they were brand new. And I have really loved it. My husband loves the fact that it's that many less books he has to try and find a home for or move! I have since gotten the Kindle app for my computer (not ideal, but it works) and my iPhone. I ADORE having it on my phone because I always have something to read. Waiting just about anywhere doesn't really bother me anymore because I am never bored! Have to sit for an hour at the restaurant waiting for a table? No problem! Gonna be 45 more minutes at the oil change place? Fine! Stuck in an elevator at work? Doesn't bother me a bit! The only down side is that I can't (ok, won't) use it for professional stuff. I like to be able to make my notes in the margins and put my sticky notes in and spread it out in front of me while I work. I still love beautiful, classic hardback books. And children's/picture books MUST be "real" books, but for my own stuff, digital is the way to go for me!

Self Care for the Week - Therapy on Wednesday. This week was good, but hard. I'm curious about the way next week will go. It sort of feels like watching a wreck on the highway. You know it's going to be messy but you can't help but be interested!