Whenever I think about having kids, of course the first thing to come to my girly little brain is decorating! How do I want to decorate the nursery? What kind of playpen, highchair, stroller, and car seat do I want? I have a few things that have been made in my family and handed down (that are all gender neutral thankfully!) so I know I want to use them. For the most part, I've decided to keep everything yellow and green and not any particular pattern, just solids and perhaps a gingham. Because I have handmade items from the last couple of generations, I want to make something for my baby too! Part of me wants to learn to quilt so that I can make the quilt or a pillow or something. I'm sure I'll come up with something I can make, I'll just have to wait and see what it is! I would love to have as much handmade stuff as possible because there is so much love that goes into making something for someone and I want my child (or children) to be surrounded by as much love as possible!
The next thing that came to my mind was work and maternity leave. I have always said that I would love to be a stay at home mom. Part of me thinks I still would, especially when the kids are tiny because I don't want to miss any major milestones. But, at the same time, I know you can't see everything. I remember my friend Julie's little boy rolling over for the first time while I was babysitting for him. She was a stay at home mom but it just happened to be in those couple of hours that he actually rolled over for the first time. And I was thrilled to get to see it but part of me thinks if it had been my child I would have been heartbroken to not see it. But at the same time I know he did it again and again and there were lots of other firsts that she got to see. And I think that taught me that there's no way you can see everything and if you try you will only be disappointed. You won't be able to relish what you do see because you'll be grieving what you don't get to see.
Right now working part time has been an interesting experience for me. I think I would have a very different opinion of the whole experience if I had an office and got out of the house more. But when I'm home I feel like I'm just kind of worthless because I'm so unmotivated and lazy. And I go absolutely stir crazy if I don't leave the house (and sometimes don't even get dressed) for a couple of days! And I feel like I would be the same way as a stay-at-home mom. I think it would be perfect for the first few months (especially before the baby is sleeping through the night!) but after a while I think I would go a little nuts. I don't want to put my child in daycare if I can help it, but I feel like I will go nuts if I don't do SOMETHING. And as much as I would love to volunteer, I feel like I would need to be making money that I could turn around and spend on a nanny!
I know I would like to take a maternity leave of AT LEAST two months, maybe more. But unless I've got a "real job" or am in a good place to do something else, I don't know that I would want to take a full year's leave of absence from the conference. I know there's plenty of time to sort it all out and I can't do too much until I know I'm expecting, but it's a lot to think about!