But now that the introduction is over, the tough stuff has arrived. And some folks are having a harder time than others. I am having a really hard time with getting attached. I haven't had quite the same issues I had in the past with establishing my role or building relationships with people, which has been a little bit surprising. On the one hand it has been great that, not only can I see myself as a chaplain without any strings attached, but that others can see me and accept me in that role. But that has also been a painful thing to have happen. Because, although losing any patient is difficult, losing one with whom you have a relationship can be especially hard.
I never thought I would enjoy working in an emergency room or in a unit that is constantly in and out like surgery. I always thought that the constant in and out, the stacks of initial visits with very few follow-ups would be frustrating. And I'm sure it is. But I feel that there is a certain amount of safe distance that is automatic in some of these settings. I know that everything I am facing is helping me to learn and to grow. And it really is very good learning and growing that is happening. But it still stinking hurts!
I still love working with children and families. I still feel a special connection to pediatrics and want to learn, grow, and explore in that area. But I'm not sure if cardiology is what I want to do. At the same time, I hear all my peers expressing similar frustrations with their units, and I'm not sure what would be better! Maybe it's simply the newness of it all. I know there isn't a perfect situation that will be without difficulties and frustrations, but it still makes it hard when we are trying to figure out where/how we want our careers to go/grow!