Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I'm Melting

I'm melting. Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually. And in many ways, it's a relief. I've allowed myself to become frozen solid by my journey. It was absolutely necessary and helpful. Because when I was frozen, all this "stuff" that was floating around without structure or support, trying to find a place, became solid. It combined and held together. A lot of stuff went into the creation of the iceberg.

I was resilient. Stuff could bounce off of me. Even when a portion of me was sinking, I was still able to float. To move. To be influenced. I was solid. I was strong. I couldn't be destroyed. But I was holding on to so much. Some of it was good and some of it was gross. And even when I appeared to be great, there was still all this stuff buried inside. You might be able to see a little edge of something, a little piece. But for the most part it was hidden.

I'll never completely melt. I'll never go back to that state of mess and chaos. But I'm softening. Parts of me are melting. The stuff that had been buried is slowly being exposed. And some of that nasty stuff is falling away. The parts that are melting are letting that water run down and create new paths, new patterns, new ways of appearing and of being.

I got probably the greatest compliment ever today. It wasn't even phrased as a compliment. It was an amusing story. The compliment of it was not just sort of a fact of the story. But it was the first time I'd heard it. And I really thought I was going to cry because I was so touched! And my head is still sort of swimming from it.

I'm melting. Softening. Being re-shaped. It's glorious.

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad to hear it! :)

    I feel like I've been melting lately, for different reasons. Mistakes make me gentler, softer, more compassionate. I wish it weren't experiences that would do the shaping, that I'd come pre-formed. This was not the case.