Monday, May 10, 2010

Falling Apart

When I started this last year, I tried to give it a distinct purpose. I tried to direct my thoughts and writings in an effort to make it more reader-friendly. I figured that most of the people who would be reading would be people I was already pretty close to and knew me decently well, and possibly (probably) those who had followed my livejournal for a while. And they were probably sick and tired of my whining. So I didn't want this to be a place to while and complain. I wanted it to be a place in this world where I pretty much kept it together and was the mature, responsible adult that I always dreamed of being. I figured that having someone I am accountable to (my readers) would force me to keep it together for the sake of having something to write about.

Well, on some level, it has. And I have been pretty forth-coming with the circumstances of my life. And for the most part, my life is pretty darn fabulous. Patches tried to eat the rose bush I planted. It is currently on horticultural life support but it doesn't look good. The pink roses look great. I should have gotten some pictures while they were still great. We have a few little tomatoes on our vines and planted more, along with pickling cucumbers, pole beans, green onions, radishes, carrots, pumpkins (or squash, we're not quite sure) and watermelons. I'll get into the gardening more in a future post. I had a wonderful steak dinner prepared almost entirely by my husband in honor of mother's day that I got to share with lots of his wonderful family. I have a new Cokesbury catalog so I'll soon break out the pen and sticky flags. Cocoa is doing just fine and has given me lots of wonderful doggy snuggles lately.

But right now I'm very sad. I'm not really sure why. Probably because I'm a little crazy. And exhausted. And hormonal. And crazy. To quote PW, "No, I'm not pregnant, thank you for asking." I have been fighting back tears for several hours for no good reason. I really have no idea what set me off. I guess it doesn't really matter. I guess I am just rambling for the sake of rambling.

But the point I wanted to make here is this - Thank you for loving me even when I fall apart and for knowing that deep down I probably never really had it together to begin with. I appreciate your playing along with my delusions.


  1. Girl, your not crazy! This happens to me all the time! *unless we're both crazy* :) It's hard to hold everything in and it's probably not healthy. You need to let everything out once in a while! I know we have never met in person, but I do enjoy reading your blog and keeping up with what's going on with the Herrens!

  2. dude, i cry all the time. I'm sorry you are sad. If you want to talk, you know my number.